Thursday, March 8, 2012

Dear J.K. Rowling


Thursday, May 31, 2007

Dear J.K. Rowling,

In preparation for the upcoming release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, a book by you, I am rereading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I was struck this time by Ron's fondness for the comic book The Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle. I believe that many of your readers, like Ron, would enjoy reading Mr. Miggs's stories. If I understand things correctly, you are currently beginning the composition of Deathly Hallows. May I humbly suggest that it consist to the greatest possible degree of said adventures?

With affection,
Jack

PS: If you would like Martin Miggs to have an American best friend, then I have even more great ideas for you.

PPS: Maybe in one adventure, Martin Miggs has to prepare a fancy dinner, but his crazy Muggle kitchen appliances keep making a big mess?

Posted by Jack at 3:25 PM

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Dear J.K. Rowling,

Wow! I've sent you two letters in one day! I guess this has happened before. Anyways.

Word reached me through my friend Yang (I've told you about him) of the development of a Harry Potter theme park in Florida. It will be some time until it opens, but this is what I imagine a typical day at the park for me might be like.

[I am sitting in the audience of the "Mystery at Hogwart's" live adventure show. My attitude, physical and mental, is alert and expectant. The master of ceremonies, having prepared we spectators for the show, leaves the stage. The opening movements of "Mystery at Hogwart's" pass to my great delight. In a moment of respite, Harry makes an aside to the crowd.]

Harry: Phew! Safe again... for now. Now my biggest question is, where is that no good Professor Snape?

[As he speaks, my attention is divided between Harry and the shadowy form of Severus Snape, lurking in the shadows of Hogwart's cloistered greens.]

Me: Behind you, Harry!

[Harry wheels about and spots Snape.]

Harry: Aha!

Snape: Curse you, Potter! You and your helpful friends have caught me again!

[I breathe out. Clouds pass overhead, filtering the harsh sunlight. Harry advances on Snape. I breathe in. I am at peace.]


Affectionately,
Jack

PS: Did you know that the state of Florida is especially enthusiastic about fluoridating their water? It's true. It's funny how things are some times.

Posted by Jack at 8:23 PM

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Sunday, June 03, 2007

Dear J.K. Rowling,

Why aren't any of the teachers married?!?

Best,
Jack

Posted by Jack at 3:34 AM

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Tuesday, June 05, 2007

My dear J.K. Rowling, let us please be reasonable.

Florean Fortescue gives Harry free sundaes every half hour? I mean! Even if some wizardy stuff makes Harry physically capable of eating all that, would he really want to? And isn't Mr. Fortescue going beyond the bounds of affability and into poor business sense? Anyways, not a big deal I suppose, don't lose sleep, etc.

Best wishes (and do let's please be reasonable),
Jack

Posted by Jack at 9:03 PM

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